1. Do not communicate openly by expressing
your feelings. Do not ask for what you need
and certainly do not ask for what you want,
just allow people to walk on you. Always try
to make others happy.
2. Harbor resentment and seethe often.
Gripe,
whine, and complain for at least 2.5 hours
per day to anyone who will listen, especially
family and friends. Chronic "bitchitis" helps
you avoid intimacy and emotional ties.
Maintain the personal distance and enjoy the
stress.
3. Do not feel confident enough in your
skills, values, and beliefs to express your
opinions and concerns. Accept blindly the
judgments of others and definitely
personalize all criticism. Stay offended.
4. Do not develop a support system of any
kind. No close friends, no pets, no help with
maintenance functions, no social activities,
no extended family. Nothing, nothing,
nothing. Definitely do not know your
neighbors. Never ask for help of any kind
from anyone. Languish on loneliness. Suffer,
suffer, suffer.
5. Practice nasty, mean, humiliating,
embarrassing, and hateful behaviors toward
other people. Gossip at every opportunity and
concentrate on making other people look bad.
Your turn is guaranteed to come.
6. Become a workaholic. It's easy to
do. Just
put work before everything else. Take work
home every day and every weekend. (You must
work at least 75 hours per week in order to
qualify as a workaholic). Never take a
vacation that lasts more than 28 hours and
definitely work holidays. The goal is total
burn-out.
7. Avoid the urge to manage time. Be
available to everyone; take on more projects
than you can handle; say yes to whatever is
asked; jump for the phone on the first ring;
and avoid assertive communication around any
time pressure. After all, you must do
everything yourself because you are the only
one who can do things right. Never, never,
under any circumstances say "no".
8. Procrastinate, procrastinate,
procrastinate. As Mark Twain said, 'Never put
off for tomorrow, what you can put off for
the day after tomorrow.' If it were not for
the last minute, lots of things would never
get done.
9. Don't get enough sleep or rest. Lack of
sleep lessens your ability to deal with
stress by making you irritable, a sure fire
sign of stress. Use tooth-picks if necessary.
10. Don't exercise regularly; as a matter of
fact, don't exercise at all. Exercise only
tones your muscles, improves your
cardiovascular system, and relaxes your
nerves. Physical activity allows you a
'flight-outlet" for mental stress. Exercising
also uses time that could be spent on
stress-producing situations.
11. Eat and drink anything you want.
Especially foods that contain great amounts
of fat, excessive cholesterol, sugars, salt,
red meat, caffeine. Your goal is to be at
least 35 pounds overweight. The excess weight
maximizes stress on your heart, so the
fatter, the better. Since you can't see your
heart with lard clinging to it, just go ahead
and reach for the third donut and don't
forget the six-pack tonight.
12. Increase your intake of stimulant and
depressant drugs. (Valium, No-Doz, Nytols,
Rolaids, aspirin, Ex-Lax, booze and
nicotine). Try smoking two cigarettes at a
time for an even more thrilling nicotine
rush. Don't listen to your body. When you are
under stress, you will get warning signs from
your body. Tell it to shut up by ingesting
drugs. Drink coffee. Drink coffee. Drink coffee.
13. Ignore whatever you read about the
benefits of meditations. Don't attempt yoga,
positive self-talk, mental imaging, deep
breathing, Jacuzzis, hot tubs saunas,
massages, pedicures or anything else that
relaxes you. How can you possible be stressed
if you are relaxed?
14. Adapt the hurry, flurry, worry
syndrome.
This is a great method for putting a lot of
pressure on yourself. The hurry, flurry,
worry syndrome makes you think you're so
important. "Look at me; look at how hard I'm
working." Because you are so stressed you
must be working hard, hard, hard. The hurry,
flurry, worry syndrome also could help you to
avoid responsibility. You just look so
overworked and worried.
Based on source: "Ready, Set, Lead," in Mary
O. Wykle, Bert Tier, and Scottie Moore,
Military Spouses Completing the Team
(Newport News, VA: U.S. Army Community
Service, Fort Eustis, 1993), pp. 16-17.
